Teeto Review – A Funny Platformer That Falls Flat

Teeto is a chipper platformer geared for a younger audience, but even then it falters with its imprecise controls. At least the premise is full of humor.

My first niece was born in July 2019. Even now, I remember how I felt back then. Still in my late 20s, I knew there would be a cataclysmic change. In my family dynamics, in my responsibility as an uncle, and ultimately in my maturity as a person. After all, I was not living for myself anymore, but for her. Once you start looking out for a child who does not know better, you try to become a more responsible adult. What does any of this have to do with the chipper platformer Teeto? That I would not have enjoyed it much if I was not playing with her, but I did.

Platformers live and die by their game feel. One of my personal metrics is measured on how reactive the movement is. For example, if you can cancel a dodge and pivot to another direction in a couple of milliseconds, that is something I take note of. Double jumping, wall running, and wall jumping also have the threat of feeling “too airy.” This means that you spend too much time floating, just waiting for the character to come on down. Losing precious time that could be spent otherwise performing acrobatics for the sake of engaging with fun mechanics and snappy movement is something fundamental in a platformer.

Missing The Mark

Teeto has none of these impeccable movesets, I am afraid to say. Playing as a tiny blue blob, the platforming is imprecise at best. The little guy can run, double jump, and dash. Neither does dashing nor jumping is all that rewarding. The wobbly protagonist does not feel good to play. As aforementioned, when you dash, the movement is locked in to a forward thrust that cannot be either canceled or maneuvered. In the case of the wall jumping, just repeatedly pressing the A button makes the blob almost automatically propel upward. There does not seem to be any friction to speak of.

Next to these basic options, Teeto can also attack and transform into elements from the environment. He can fight back, you see, because shadow figures started appearing in the world. That, and the disappearance of the human race. An unknown event caused all types of inanimate objects to become sentient in the meantime. Before we stop to ponder further what this existential crisis would entail, let’s focus on what Teeto actually excels at: how funny it is.

This information is relayed to the player via a newscast—very much in line with Spongebob’s fish head anchor—poking fun at the absurdity of the premise. Teeto himself is created by a rabbit scientist named Nory to neutralize said shadows. The voice acting, which shines due to its solid cast who understood their assignment, at least saves the silly narrative. Teeto moves around trying to solve the mystery with Nory in his backpack. That is heartwarming to see throughout the gameplay.

Collect A TON

In each straightforward level, the goal is to gather a slew of questionable collectibles. A substance named Vionite is usually scattered across hard-to-access areas. For instance, using the ability to turn into fire, you can melt the ice in which a Vionite is stuck in. In another, turning into a rock to smash the floor may break a cracked wall to reveal more of the elusive item. Other silly objects, or rather, living beings to find, are Baby Michaels. Please do not ask me what they are, other than adorable beings. They come in several shapes and sizes: some are DJs, others are passive-aggressive, and most just want to go to school. The sky is the limit, Baby Michael.

At this point in the review, I would not judge you for thinking that I do not know how to have fun. Perhaps I do not. But going back to the start, what truly changed my perspective while playing Teeto is the couch co-op mode with my 6-year-old niece. She frankly did not care whether the platforming was flimsy or that the level design was predictable. She just laughed at the quirky characters and was overjoyed when she found the various hidden outfits in each chapter. The No Damage mode came quite in handy. That said, the platforming felt a bit too difficult for kids, even if it is made for a younger audience.

Conclusion – Teeto

I am not the target audience of this game. Nevertheless, having a considerable amount of experience as a big fan of platformers, I can say that it lands among the lower tier of them. Looking at it from its endlessly fun premise, though, I can certainly understand the appeal of dashing and jumping as the titular Teeto. Even more so when playing in couch co-op. As a solo adventure, it is perhaps best to come in with low expectations.